because covid in the emergency room wasn't bad enough 

i was assaulted

my life upended in a matter of seconds 

-

years of multiple surgeries and painstaking recovery later 

i am going to try again 

to try again

Another lament

Oh, you guys! I miss having time to look at all the beautiful arts and read all the beautiful writings. I miss talking to my e-friens! School is such a time and energy suck, and starting in the fall I'll have clinic-thingies I'll have to do. It's going to get worse before it gets better, and I know that when it gets better it will be AMAZINGLY BETTER ... but I'm impatient.

Stay wonderful. I'll catch up when I can.   ♥

(I know I haven't been writing, but Spectre updates will continue to happen if nothing else.)

Hi mom

Hello random influx of new people! I welcome you just as enthusiastically as I do the old people. :D

I've had some inquiries regarding updates.

I would love nothing more than to sit around writing smut and posting it for all of you wonderful people to see, but I am afraid that I have not the time. I'm taking classes that require scads and scads of memorization. Chapters full of the stuff. It's a bit of an adjustment, considering I've never really had to study before. Well.. I suppose it could be the old age and not the memorization.

Still! Updates will happen. No, I cannot say when. Yes, I do prioritize donation stories. They come between "walk the dog" and "go for a bike ride you filthy slob."

To sum up: Welcome! You're welcome, I'm sorry, thank you, yes there will be more, and no there is no schedule. Except for Spectre, which updates every Friday.

I hope you're having happy sexy days and nights!

~m.a.

The way things are.

Those who follow my twitter and/or my DA already know this, but it occurs to me that I haven't mentioned it here. My already slow updates will continue to be even slower, as I am attending classes. My business is suffering in the current economic climate, and I am bone-tired from working six days a week for less than minimum wage. Time to get that back-up degree that I never bothered with.

In other news, Spectre has finally launched. I am ridiculously excited. The coming pages are ever so pretty. Then again, I might be a bit biased (just a bit).

I haven't updated because I've hurt my back.
And the doctors gave me these drugs.
So high.
High.
All the time.
Okay, most of the time. Pained when not high.

But I'm still alive, and.. well. I love you all. (And am possibly high.)

Same old shit. Different day.

I was really optimistic to have something up for everyone tonight. My antibiotics were working, and I was feeling better. I did get to start an update. But then the fever came back (again), and after that. Well.

Apparently my insides are very cross with me for having been on antibiotics for nearly a month. I've been taking live cultures, but I can't seem to eat much of anything without it feeling like someone is taking a thousand corkscrews to my insides. It has me extremely run down, and this fever is symptomatic of that.

I know I shouldn't complain too much. I mean, this is the best winter I've had in years so far as my health goes. And.. I appreciate that, I do. But I'm a big baby. A great big, pouty-faced, tantrum-throwing baby. I want to be all better. I want it forever and ever. Now.

I want the last month and a half back. I want the years of being sick back. Stupid immune system. Glad to be alive. Just.. want to have more vigor. Pls?

I've been sick again (yes, for weeks). Further proof that I'm not cut out to be an author. A proper author would be writing despite it all.

Oh, well. I shall get back to supplying free porn to the masses soon enough! In the meantime, I'm reading Asterios Polyp. It is absolutely delightful in every possible way, and if you like graphic novels, you simply must invest in a copy. Or at least bum it from a friend and then invest in a copy if you liked it enough to do so. It really is masterful. Just.. don't do it when you're hopped up on codeine syrup.

I'm tired of working 7 days a week. :|

I tried. I fail. Work has been grueling. Hopefully tomorrow will be a shorter day of putting my nose to the grindstone, and then this weekend I can knock out these last few pages. Thank you all for your patience. For now, I have to go slip into a restful coma.

Happy 29 (again) to me!

Marie/Felix drew me a sexilicious picture. Check out the new ILLUST @ Avenier!

Muchas Gracias!

Today's economy: twice as much work for half as much money

My Ideal Schedule
The following is highly flexible.

11:00am-12:00pm: wake up at some point
12:00pm-02:00pm: love making, grooming, maybe some breakfast
02:00pm-04:00pm: exercise and yardwork
04:00pm-04:30pm: food prep for the evening feast
04:30pm-05:30pm: more love making
05:30pm-06:30pm: feast prepared, devoured, and cleaned up
06:30pm-08:00pm: game,conversation,dessert, movie, other activity with lover
08:00pm-11:00pm: writing
11:00pm-12:00am: reading & snack
12:00am-01:30am: writing
01:30am-03:00am: love making
03:00am-11:00am: sleep

My Actual Schedule
The following leaves very little wiggle room, but is modified on days with client meetings

08:00am-08:15am: get up. no, really. get your lazy ass out of bed.
08:15am-08:45am: breakfast & grooming
08:45am-09:15am: yardwork
09:15am-10:15am: exercise
10:15am-01:00pm: work
01:00pm-01:15pm: lunch
01:15pm-01:30pm: exercise
01:30pm-05:30pm: work
05:30pm-06:30pm: food prep & consumption
06:30pm-07:30pm: clean or die
07:30pm-07:45pm: shower again
07:45pm-08:30pm: more work
08:30pm-10:00pm: sit around in a catatonic haze, work on remodel, write, read
10:00pm-08:00am: sleep


I need to inherit a wealthy benefactor. Ha. "Dear Marcus- I will pay you a sum of $200,000.00 a year to write me smut. Sincerely, Mister/Missus Deeppockets" Might as well dream big, yah? xD

Fuck you world. I loved that cat. He lit up every goddamn day no matter how bad that day got. And today was a -good- day. Until that.

Pardon me while I go into a depressed spiral for a bit.

Marcus out.

sabo

As those of you who follow my twitter likely already know, I recently suffered the loss of the novel I was working on. Three spiral-bound notebooks of notes and writing have disappeared into the world. Despite having put my name and number into the front of each & begging return should they be found, I've received no calls (nor do I expect to). Most likely they've been sent off to the dump, along with my ancient Jansport covered in faded patches and rusting pins.

I've let this keep me from writing, which is really just shameful. I should be rewriting like mad while it's still somewhat fresh. At the very least I should draft up some new notes. Instead I just stare sorrowfully at my screen and stuff my nose into books I've already read. It's not that I don't know what to write, it's just that I'm not doing it. Such is the difference between the weekend warrior & the professional.

At the recommendation of MacAllister Stone, I did read one new book. Grammar should be fun, and this book makes it just that: It was the Best of Sentences, It was the Worst of Sentences. It may not be very interesting to those of you who do not have any interest in writing mechanics (and reading mechanics, for that matter), but I found it to be an absolute joy.

And now I'm off to pen a short for you lovely folks. Tomorrow is a full day of work, followed by an evening of rewriting. No more of this mopey nonsense.

August? August!

I'm home! I haven't forgotten you! Working on the next bit of Piety and have scads of ideas for other things. Should have an update with some meat on it within the next few days. :D

( also; I wish the people up here knew how to drive )

Perhaps I'm just too negative.

Going home is a difficult thing for me, as I imagine it is a difficult thing for many of us. I find myself at odds with my own family. My father, from whom I am many years estranged, was appallingly bigoted. My sister seems to have adopted some degree of this into her own personality, as well as our mother’s more abusive traits. I've spent the past week reliving far too memories vicariously through my nephew.

My grandmother is cruising from senile and into the happy land of dementia, where grandchildren steal socks and plot to keep her children apart from their hot dogs. An aunt with whom I have nothing in common, and who shrieked at me for years, has turned out to be remarkably pleasant. The catch here is that she’s remarkably pleasant to everyone, and will agree with whatever outlandish thing that is said in order to keep from entering into quarrels. Apparently the lithium has made her a slave to avoiding conflict; a decided contrast to regularly seeking it out.

The houses here are not so dilapidated as they once were. This is a good thing, but jarring when I go to find my old friends with their tag-marked stucco and boarded windows. In their places are vibrantly colored vinyl facades with orderly, layered fenestration and well-manicured lawns. Dirt paths that once spilled onto pock-marked asphalt have been replaced by crisp-edged sidewalks, and forests of half-dead shrubs by orderly wrought-iron fences. Sure, these are wedged in between the familiar lawns of astroturf and tiny, run-down boxes holding too many people, but there is a steady invasion of the Unfamiliar.

Goals? What are those?

In the world of Things That Feed Marcus, summertime is my busiest time of the year. I fear my writing goals are not being met, and that I should accept that this will continue to be the case until the slow-down in September. What breaks I am taking from financially motivated work are being spent doing things like going backpacking, exploring side streets with neon-lit mosques, and finally dealing with the room full of stuff (mostly Star Trek paraphernalia) that belonged to my (now-deceased) mother.

My health is largely maintaining its upward trend. I am most pleased by this. I must continue to work on realistic goal setting and recognize that just because I am feeling better, I cannot simply take on the whole world all at once.

As a side note, if you like pulp & fantasy, they don't get much pulpy fantasier (amg the words I make up) than The Dresden Files. This is excellent reading-on-the-bus material. It's got bad puns, a bit of grunge, and gritty detective stories with the added spice of magic & the paranormal. Satisfied my junk food craving good and proper. ;)